Parenting is a herculean task of preparing the children for the real life as productive and responsible adults. Every parent aims at their kids’ security, educational well being, good health and professional prosperity. Parents are the source through which the cultural transmission to the children takes place.
Parenting is a journey within ourselves which can enhance, adapt and change according to the needs and situation. We often get restless, irritated and violent due to the constant demands of our children.
We must not forget that our kids are unable to understand the troubles of parenting we are going through due to their immaturity. Children are not meant to behave like adults and do everything perfectly.
Parents always dream to raising the best children in the world. We sometimes find ourselves lost, baffled and out of patience while dealing with our children. Then we feel guilty of making individual mistakes.
We discuss a lot about the self-regulation and teaching of our kids, but, what about us? Are we behaving like a happy and welcomed parent? Sometimes our little devils push our buttons like no other.
Sure signs of burning anger in parents:
- You get furious daily even at trivial matters.
- Your short-tempered nature is causing troubles in your personal life with your immediate family and friends.
- You drink or smoke too much when angry.
- You found yourself shouting at the top of your voice at your kids and other family members.
- You take several days to calm down.
I suggest you consult an anger management expert. You may also read this book: “The Anger Management Sourcebook," (by Melissa Hallmark Kerr and Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D) to know about the different attributes of anger management in thorough details.
Kids are learning all the rules, norms and systems of socialization. It is natural for them to commit errors. They are free individuals with imaginative minds. It is on us to handle adverse situations and handle them calmly.
According to Robert Puff, a renowned psychologist and author of the book “Anger Work: How to Express Your Anger and Still Be Kind,” bigger impact falls up on the younger kids. Parents are the little kids’ universe. He said, “When you get angry, their world is shaken.” When they get older, friends and other people enter their lives that lower the impact. You can freak out occasionally. The child will get the message that he/she must have done something wrong and has to rectify. Never abuse the baby.
Our offspring can learn a vital lesson by watching us losing temper and regaining our calmness. They will understand that every human gets angry, but, it is obligatory to repair ourselves after a while.
1) Take a break
You are a grown up human being. So, instead of yelling at your child and making any wrong decision while angry, move from the situation for some time. Take deep breaths, think accurately about the way to make your kid learn his/her mistake, recover your sense of serenity, and then, take action accordingly. The author of “The Anger Workbook for Women," Laura J. Petracek said that if you can, then take some time out and walk into another room for a minute or two.
2) Apology works like magic
If you are burnt with anger and irritation and, burst like an atom bomb on your kid, say ‘sorry.' Stop blaming your poor little kid to tempt your outburst. Calm down and say, “I am sorry for shouting at you like that. I am very disappointed for your activity. I will try not to lose my temper in future.” But, do not dwell on the apology part. Comfort yourself and the small child. Move forward to a fresh day.
3) Imagine your teen as a baby
Growing children can be more nagging than the little ones as they are passing through a strange and confusing phase of ‘not too young-not so old’ period.
You can apply this trick: - Visualize your teen as a baby. According to Sandra P. Thomas, coauthor of “Use Your Anger: A Woman's Guide to Empowerment,” said that teens and older children are not cute and adorable like toddlers. They can be awful sometimes. If you remember your old days and see them as babies like before, you can have some empathy and can cool down gradually.
Have you ever thought, “How well- equipped and self- regulated are we as parents?” “What did we do in our past before the arrival of the baby for preparing ourselves for all the hassles that are going to encompass us?”
Many of us are unaware of the procedure to prepare ourselves to take responsibility for another human being. We miserably fail to put a tiny man’s need before our requirements. Contradictory, we construct our whole lives for self-regulation that is highly influenced by our earlier experiences and childhood. That is why we need to do some homework on ourselves and try to adapt to the changing environment once our next generation comes into the world. This evolution will go on along with the growth of the children.
No one is perfect. We should stop holding the kids to make them ever perfect as the punishments we render on them are not going to do any good regarding humanity. Let them be themselves. Observe, respond and care positively. Give them a stable future. Be a self- controlled parent.
Description- We often get restless, irritated and violent due to the constant demands of our children. We must not forget that our kids are unable to understand the troubles of parenting we are going through due to their immaturity. Children are not meant to behave like adults and do everything perfectly.